Self-Forgiveness Begins with the Spiritual Enlightenment of God's Presence

Sometimes the past is so painful to think about that your only salvation lies in complete surrender to the mercy of God. Only in Him are you given the strength and courage it takes to keep on walking when every step is hard. But, finally, after what can seem like an endless journey in the darkness of your own regret, you come upon the light again. You have no doubt who has set you free, for only One who is author of forgiveness would give you still another chance.
Marianne Williamson

The past can be painful, whether the outcomes were desired or undesired. In my experience, accomplishments frequently reminded me that I was expecting a certain event or series of events to make me happy, and when they failed, I was left even more hopelessly lost.


Ultimately, I am forced to surrender – to stop buying the illusion of my possible control of what is, and of how I will perceive and feel as a result. I am powerless – I cannot control what is or how I react to what is – the past reoccurs on the screens of my mind as if current and happening. These inner images are programmed to continue repeating themselves indefinitely if not changed.

I am left no choice but to turn to the loving and merciful Presence of God – to change and spiritually heal my experience and perceptions. In His (and Her) Presence I am given the sanity of strength and courage to keep putting one thought, and one feeling – one moment and one breath at a time – in front of the other.


My journey seems endless because it is recycling my past -- over and over again -- with greater and greater darkness – repeating abandonment and separation. The Light – God’s loving Presence – begins to glow – and the walls of my inner prison begin to dissolve. I am being taught and reprogrammed to see me with God’s eyes – and They hold nothing against me – They are teaching me to experience Their truth – and I am able, with their love and caring, to forgive and admire myself – and love me with Their unconditional love – and admiration.


We really are Their children – created out of their infinite love.

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Finding Daily Inspirations Make Life Lighter

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How Do Daily Inspirations Change our Lives?

To change, we must become willing to experience a certain level of discomfort.
Marie Lindquist

I have tried to change my self, and my life ever since I can remember. I believed that I would be “happy” if something changed. The problem was that “things” have changed over the course of my life, but it never really brought happiness. I did not know that real happiness was not connected to “things” -- at least not external things.

Do you want the best of life? Then live as near as possible to God, the Master and Giver of all Life.

Twenty Four Hours

Change began with level of discomfort that made me willing to listen. Then I learned to listen to a higher Voice speaking through others. I began to realize that when I listened, I heard a higher Presence, and as I listened to this higher Presence, we got to know each other -- intimately And that has made all the difference.

I began to experience a closeness to others, to myself, and to my higher Presence that began to change the most important factor in my life – my perceptions. I found daily inspirations within others, within inspirational readings, within life events, and within the seemingly accidental off hand comments of strangers. I was listening and hearing and experiencing changes that my brain could not produce or imagine.

Change – a neverending pattern of miracles unleashed by a deeper experience of self.
Marianne Williamson

As I connected with my higher Presence, I began to be freed – I began to experience life directly and without interference – I became more a natural child with higher Parents. Messages began to appear more and more often. Daily inspirations became moment to moment inspirations I would stress and strain for hours for the meaning of something, to have it appear in an instant of Presence -- when I listened.

Our soul is nurtured and fed by taking pleasure in the beauty in this world.
Melodie Beattie

Experience of daily inspirations produced an intuitive connection that changed my world of perceptions, and made life became very different.

I learned how to ask for help, and listen. I had been trapped inside my pain – some nameless, faceless version of myself was tearing my insides apart – trying to get out. I would freeze, thinking it would go away if I didn’t move. It never did.

And now I am actively listening – and experiencing change. I am becoming – different – and better. I am being freed from the prison of my brain by a continuous experience of daily inspirations – and a neverending flow of inner miracles of Presence.

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How Do Daily Inspirations and Spiritual Enlightenment Make Life Different ?

“A consciousness of God’s presence,

as One who loves you,
makes all life different.
The consciousness of God’s love
promotes the opening of your whole being to God.”
Twenty-Four Hours a Day

The normal human condition is one of constriction – closedness – to others, ourselves, and our higher Presence. It is a natural, and generally unconscious reaction to the fear and expectation of ultimately being abandoned – separated from others.

I have learned that there are certain symptoms that frequently remind me of my shame, and my fear of separation:
1. Worry – the mental preoccupation with outcomes related to any person, thing, or situation that catches my attention. My unresolved past attaches to my immediate present, and I live emotionally the neural energies of fear, trying to escape with desperate thought.
2. Anger – when I am irritated, my brain is avoiding shame and separation by bursts of neural energy, generally discharged toward people, things and situations that are not as I think I would like it to be. This is displaced energy, and not true responses.

As my consciousness rises, I become aware that my insides and outsides are tight, tense, and constricted. If it continues for any length of time, I will begin to experience physical symptoms of my illness.

Daily inspirations are about allowing our consciousness to be redirected by “God’s Presence” to an experience of God’s or our higher Presence’s unconditional adoration and affection for us. As we find and experience the cues that are in daily inspirations, we can experience an “opening of our whole being to God”, to ourselves, and to other human beings.

There are various blockages to this opening. One is the human desire or demand for guarantees. How can I know that when I allow higher Presence to open my being, that I will be safe, loved, and nurtured in the future? This is a question that ultimately daily inspirations must begin to “answer”.

“Understanding is the reward of faith.

Therefore seek not to understand that thou mightest believe,
but believe that thou mayest understand.”
Aurelius Augustinus

Faith and belief, in spiritual terms are not thoughts. Traditional religion, being thought based, tends to imply that faith and belief are done by thinking – which is with our brains. Unfortunately, that will not work. The part of the brain that thinks is very tiny. The part of the brain that feels fear and shame is massive. Thought will do little more than distract us from our human condition. Our brains are ultimately not where the spiritual “guarantees” of my life are written.

Daily inspirations teach us how to believe spiritually – to experience an intimate closeness with a Presence that the brain cannot comprehend. The result can be a spiritual enlightenment that transcends thought, and activates our heart to “know” without using our brains to do so. And suddenly there is a peace and confidence that defies and confound mental thought -- and I find my guarantees written on the intuitive tissue of my heart.

My experience is that it was divinely planned by my higher Presence, that I not be able to mentally comprehend the Plan for life – the rhyme and reason of my life. The only way I can know is through an ongoing intimate relationship with my higher Presence -- the goal and outcome of steady and consistent daily inspirations.

One of the barriers I experience is that my brain is rarely silent. It chatters – with details, observations, and projected explanations and expectations. I use daily inspirations to stop, breath, allow my mind to still, and then quietly listen to that “still small voice” of Presence.

Another barrier is “education” – trying to amass enough information mentally into my brain that I can understand and control my life. I have learned that spiritual education is a private matter – it has nothing to do with colleges or schools. Spiritual enlightenment comes from experiences which take my brain beyond my thoughts, into spiritual enlightenments that are self-changing – the rebirth of my lost selves into present Presence.

This spiritual enlightenment is a return to the child who we really are. To survive, we became adults – took responsibility for the uncontrollable, donned masks that hid our wretchedness, suppressed natural emotional experiences with intellectual thinking, and generally lost sight of the beautiful creatures we were created to be.


“Some of our feelings have been stored so long
that they have freezer burn.”
Melodie Beattie

We are using daily inspirations to be restored to who we are underneath all the fire and ice. We are beginning to have “breakthroughs” – more and more transformative experiences -- that are changing our very genetic spiritual structure back to our natural states.

Our higher Presence is reweaving the tapestries of our lives and we becoming beautiful and awesome – children and masters of God’s infinite and unconditional love and grace.

We are becoming truly amazing.

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Finding Daily Inspirations in the Storms of Life

In the storm, the tree that bends with the wind

is the one that survives to grow tall.
Brenda Scheffer

Most of my life was spent surviving actual and perceived “storms” –inside and out. What I did instinctively was constrict my insides to create physical and mental walls against the perceived impending threat – never realizing that I was actually preparing for my own misery and destruction.

I did not know what else to do. I was powerless, and was trying to control the uncontrollable.

The “winds” were violent waves of emotional energy that would sweep across my brain -- the past, crashing into the present, driving my thoughts and reactions deep into the future – leaving me wounded and broken – barely alive – clinging desperately to fragments of what seemed left of my living and breathing – never realizing that destruction was caused by my resistance to the inner forces.

Finally, in my desperation, I heard that not everyone blown by such inner and outer force suffered the way I did. Maybe there was a solution to my pain – an escape from my dyingness.

I reached out, I listened, I watched, and I “saw” something in the corners of my heart, where I had not looked. A Presence, a loving caring energy, someone waiting for me to accept and connect so I could become free to be and to become.

My process of becoming bendable and strong over the last twenty plus years have been fairly simple, but amazingly effective:
1. Feel the feelings that are being forced to the surface of my consciousness by circumstances and memories.
2. Connect to a higher Presence by connecting with other wounded seekers, like me.
3. Act in trust that all is being taken care of – do the next right thing, take the next right breath, do what I would be doing if the winds were not blowing.

These steps have created a flexibility of mind and spirit that can weather any storm, and any force of life. For me, they had to become a way of life and not just a prearranged storm plan. Otherwise, my humanness would eventually take over, and I would again have to fight and resist – and “die” -- supposedly to survive.

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Daily Inspirations and Smiles

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Daily Inspirations and Friends

Others can be daily inspirations for us -- maybe it starts by being daily inspirations for them.

Daily Inspirations-- One Day at a Time

How Do Daily Inspirations Reprogram Our Hearts?

Daily Inspirations:

Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we have learned here. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts.
Marianne Williamson

Except ye become as a little child, ye shall not enter the kingdom of heaven…The kingdom of heaven is within you.

Jesus

The material world operates based on outcomes. Every interaction with a person, object, or circumstance is ultimately judged as being either good or bad – based on outcomes. And in this system, every moment of human existence within the brain neural network is assigned these same judgments of “good” or “bad”. With every “good”, there is a sense of connection and Presence. With every “bad”, there is an experience of separation and abandonment.

As we grow older, we collect more and more of these separation experiences – bad’s without corresponding good’s -- and therefore, abandonment and shame dominates our brain’s programming.

Whenever we perceive that we have done something “bad”, we instinctively separate from ourselves, our higher Presence, and others. And in that separation, there emerges a growing and free floating fear of impending doom – impending and ultimate separation. The more separation we experience, and the more fear dominates our perceptions of and reactions to life.

We have been programmed by alternating closeness and separation to believe that we can control our relationships with others – we are responsible for their outcomes. And when relationships fail, it is perceived as being our “fault”, and that we are “bad” – deserving to be separated, alone, and abandoned.

Then as other life events happen, they trigger the unresolved programming of our past, and we experience even more separation, even when separation is not what is actually occurring. We are now programmed to expect separation, abandonment, punishment, and abuse – because the programming says that is what we deserve. Daily inspirations become daily desperations – trying to avoid the seemingly inevitable.

Finding daily inspirations is a way of beginning to have our hearts reprogrammed – to begin to experience what is true --from an unconditionally loving and accepting and adoring higher Presence. This inspirational Presence – through the daily inspirations in readings, quotes, and others’ voices – begins to improve relationships with ourselves and others, allowing closeness, and supportive sharing to emerge -- bringing spiritual awakenings and insights – allowing us to transcend material life – allowing us to be reprogrammed by our daily inspirations.

We begin to return to the simplicity and serenity of healthy children – loved, secure, and nurtured in the experience of permanent and inspired intimacy --where no one is ever “bad” -- and no one is ever abandoned and alone.

With the support and sustenance of our daily inspirations, our heart once again becomes our home.

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Life Can Be MORE -- through Daily Inspirations

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden

when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.
Oscar Wilde


The need and desire for closeness drives us to fight for affection and run from intimacy. Being human goes far beyond the chemicals of the body, and the neural energies of the brain. We are spiritual beings living in physical bodies, limited physically by the speed and capacity of the processor and hard drives in our brains.

But not really.

We are greater – MORE -- than the sum of our parts.

As vague and as confusing as the word “love” can be, it somehow reflects an experience of something from beyond the neural sparks inside our brains. An awareness fades in and out that somewhere in the swirl of conscious and unconscious thought – there is -- MORE.

And where this is most vivid is where we unexpectedly find ourselves present in a closeness with another person that has little to no expectations, and no romantic agendas. Presence – a personal and unconditional and uncontrollable energy that fills our insides with the quiet serenity of being nestled softly in a loving and present parent’s arms – gently rocked and held close and cuddled – Presence.

“Daily inspirations” are not just about time and days. It reminds us to remember – to remember to live inside of our experiences – by realizing we are More – and that More is available -- when we experience consciously our normal state of loneliness, and find the inspirational readings, the inspirational resources, and the inspirational relationships we need to live intimately closer to others, to ourselves, and to our higher Presence.

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How Does Love and Faith Relate to Finding Daily Inspiration? (Part Four)

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see,
and knows what the mind cannot understand.
Robert Vallett

Finding daily inspirations is about learning to live primarily in the experiences of the human heart not the mind or brain.

The brain is merely a laptop of the soul. But our species and culture have made it the ultimate destination of existence. It is believed that if we know the facts, and understand the dynamics of life, we can control our ultimate outcomes.

The real quality of living is not in the outcomes – that is a human myth. Ultimately inspiration helps us see that quality living exists in the perceptions and reactions of a heart that’s intimately connected to a higher Presence.

Inspirational quotes and readings contain messages that only the heart can read. And when it does, we can feel our brains and bodies relax deeply into the warm loving Arms of “they” who are Present. Daily inspiration involves learning to live within those warm loving Arms. We don’t want to be “just visiting”.

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How Does Love and Faith Relate to Finding Daily Inspiration? (Part Three)

To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary.
To one without faith, no explanation is possible.
St Thomas Aquinas

The brain tries to understand so it can control. It is naturally and genetically programmed to operate this way. The heart – the spiritual side of ourselves – does not operate in thought and understanding. It hears no words or explanations. It only experiences the Presence or absence of Presence within each interaction and relationship.

Daily inspirations are about transcending thought, and experiencing consciously a dimension that can only be realized within an intimate connection of hearts.

Inspirational messages, quotes, and readings can cross a barrier between what is perceived by the brain, and what is really real. I find that as I experience my humanness, and listen to inspirational words and meanings, my heart is led by an inspiring Presence to a spiritual bridge that carries me to better places.




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How Does Love and Faith Relate to Finding Daily Inspiration? (Part Two)

Faith is an oasis in the heart
which will never be reached by the caravan of thinking.
Kahlil Gibran

In the absence of inspirational spiritual experiences, we pursue an “oasis” of flowing spiritual energies with our brains, and not our hearts. We are left with the dry lifeless sands of endless searchings.

Thought is what my brain does. And it is very capable of being “schizophrenic”. In the absence of true inspirational resources, my brain will create mirages out of thought -- neural energy. And I will live in those hallucinations for long periods of time, rarely if ever wondering if it is really real. Some people live their whole lives in this imaginary world, and never know it is only a mirage.

Many people collect into groups of travelers and follow the same mirages. It is so much easier than struggling to be ourselves – to follow the path of least resistance. And if many others are following the same trail, it must be right. It is like a sign at a crossroads that says “God” and points in one direction, and “Thoughts about God” that points in the opposite direction. It is far easier to “think” God, than to live intimately with higher Presence.

In my experience, where truth and my brain meet is at the point of the conscious human experience of pain. The absence of any experience of conscious pain can only be caused by human mental and spiritual disease – the destruction of sensation within my inner self.

My heart is my deeper self who can hear and experience the inspired “supernatural”. In that cool and shaded place, where there is rest and hope – and inspiring directions to better and better inspirational places of the heart

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How Important Is It?: My Inspirational Human Experience (Part Three)

To live is so startling

it leaves little time anything else.
Emily Dickinson


The darkness was incredible. And as I allowed and supported myself to consciously experience my perceptions and reactions, I remembered, for the first time, coming into my home as a child -- excited, energetic, happy -- and experiencing a dark and foreboding cloud of negative energy within my family. I would realize that it was not safe to continue being a child, and I would lock my little child self away in a dark closet to protect him, and erect protective, adult-like shields to guard us from what seemed to be about to happen.

This was the first time I can remember consciously remembering and re-experiencing these memories and events. The conscious discomfort created an area of importance in my life, and from my resulting inspirational action – daily inspiration that I have used for years--, this wounded area of myself began to heal. It would never have occurred without the guiding motivation of the experience of pain.

Another experience was a couple of weeks ago. I picked Kathy up at the airport. I was a few minutes late and somewhat concerned that she might be irritated at me. From the time I picked her up, she was quiet, distracted, obviously experiencing something. My experience was that she was brooding in anger at me for being a few minutes late.

We went from the airport to dinner, and in the silence I was experiencing growing anxiety. Finally she came out of the “place” where she was, and began describing an incident on the plane. As she shared her experience, I realized that she was not upset with me at all. She was trying to understand and process an unusual set of seemingly coincidental events – which were not coincidental.

The perception and experience of impending abandonment or separation made “it “ important enough for me to take inspirational spiritual action to expand my personal healing and growth through daily inspirations.

Change and healing, in my life, has come from increasingly conscious experiences of pain, which ultimately gives me the motivation and direction for where I want to go. Daily inspiration gives me the means and the Presence I need to change and become more my healthy Self.


A man who carries a cat by the tail

learns something
he can learn in no other way.
Mark Twain

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How Does Love and Faith Relate to Finding Daily Inspiration?

Faith and love are apt to be spasmodic in the best of minds.
Men live on the brink of mysteries and harmonies
into which they never enter,
and with their hands on the door-latch they die outside.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Not much hope there.

Emerson begins to raise the question of how we bring love and faith together -- to open new realms of inspirational mystery and intimacy. For me, the beginning of living in faith and love involves the human experience of the uncontrollable mind spasms that occurs when I am trying to live within the unseen Presence using my brain. How do we find this other world, where human experience meets and combines with inspired spiritual experiences to create a living, loving faith?

Perhaps from a human perspective, we need to begin with finding an inspirational definition of these terms within human experience.

Faith begins with a relationship of intimate trust. When a child has stable and loving parents, he or she has an experiential sense of affection and security that allows and inspires natural growth on all levels of being. Experience answers the questions that the brain is asking about the trustworthiness of a person, of relationships and of life's meaning and direction. Based on that trusting, intimate “faith”, one becomes enabled to allow a movement of self as close to others and to one’s self as the level of experienced trust.

However, human thought cannot transcend human limitations. We will never rise above the level of being a human being. That’s good news -- unless it is resisted and avoided rather than embraced and experienced.

We, as human beings, are powerless to go beyond being human. And in the experience of acceptance of that fact, we begin to become receptive to daily inspirations that will actually take us beyond our human limitations. We can begin to hear the inspirational messages, all around us, that will change our lives – one day – one breath -- at a time.



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How Important Is It?: My Inspirational Human Experience (Part Two)

I can remember sitting in my office having an anxiety attack, or an uncontrollable crying spell, and my secretary would call to tell me that my next client was there. I would put on my therapist, intellectually-prepared mask, go out to the waiting room and get my client, and return to my office to do the session. There was never an indication that they ever knew.

As my thinking was failing, my experiences of life were increasingly approaching hurricane force intensity. I was terrorfied and out of control. So, in this helpless and hopeless condition, when someone recommended a spiritual support group, I went, without hesitation.

What I remember that struck forcefully my attention was that they were describing the same experiences that I was having, but without the overwhelming distress. I heard them sharing feelings and reactions that I would have never shared with my family, friends or co-workers. They would have seen me as very sick, and maybe deranged. Here, in these meetings, I was normal, compared to them. But they were not suffering as I was. There was hope – a glimmer of light at the end of my very dark tunnel.

They discussed and shared their inspiring experience, strength, and hope. They offered their successes in finding daily inspirations – through each other, in inspirational readings, and by living inspirational principles. They described an inspirational lifestyle of feeling, listening, and inspirational action.

Since then, I have experienced much more, and many awarenesses.

One awareness is that I cannot “think socially”. My addiction to thought is too great, and I will lose my conscious contact with myself, others, and my higher Presence if I begin to think intellectually and casually again. I need inspired thinking.

I heard someone say that they never really thought about anything --- they only obsessed. Thinking becomes a separation from and abandonment of myself. In that delusional state, I lose myself and think myself senseless.

One result of my thinking was a mood alteration and a losing of consciousness. Another aspect of my thinking was that I was trying to understand “things”, because I unconsciously believed that if I could understand it, I could control it.

This past week of listening and hearing about the relationship between “how important is it?” and human “experience” continued with a re-experience of an old “dark place”.

I was having a “good” day, I felt secure with myself and with my life in general. In this state, I entered someone’s office in a general state of childlike excitement and spontaneity. There was to be a meeting in a certain room of this office, but no one was there yet except the manager, and Kathy (my fiancée).

So I came into the room to see and talk to the manager, who I knew personally myself, with Kathy. I immediately experienced a “darkness”, a preponderance of shadows. I realized that this room had the unposted energy level of a personal sanctuary, and I was not “safe” or “wanted” here.

(to be continued)


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How Important Is It?: My Inspirational Human Experience (Part One)

Normally when I lead an inspirational recovery support meeting, I have detailed elaborate notes that summarize a week plus of daily inspirations -- inspirational readings, journaling, meditation, and inspiring experiences. This time I had no notes – I could not pull together all of the inspirational experiences and readings that had come together for this topic.

My collection of experiences and inspirational insights consciously began last Sunday, with an inspirational life training group that I lead using Twelve Step spiritual principles. We were finishing Step 8 and discussing Step 9: these two principles deal with identifying how we believe that we have harmed others, preparing to make amends when we really have harmed someone, and actually making the direct amends to others.

I was saying how each person will do this inventorying and making of these amends based on their level of emotional necessity. Someone in the group described this thought profoundly for me as, “how important is it?” This question has vibrated all week in my inspirational listening and journalling .

The other piece of this topic is “experience”, from the inspirational concept of “we share our experience, strength and hope”. The level of importance of anything or anyone in my life is the level of my conscious human experience of that person, thing, or situation. The way that I first became aware of my problems and illness was when my human experience became startlingly conscious – feelings started coming back into parts of me that been cut off and numb.

Before I began my spiritual recovery over twenty-two years ago, I was an “intellectual.” Being an intellectual does not mean one is intelligent—it just means that one thinks a lot. And because we think a lot, we seem to know things that others don’t know – which again makes us seem intelligent. And because we are under the influence of thought, as one would be a drug, we seem more calm and strangely in control of ourselves. This too is only a perception and not a reality.

Like an alcoholic, my tolerance of thinking was so great, that I could think people “under the table”. Again, this was not because of my intelligence, but because of my ability to ingest huge amounts of thought.

Shortly before beginning my spiritual recovery, my second wife left the scene. I believed that everything was now fixed – she was, of course, my problem. But without her to think obsessively over, I became majorly distressed – I began to detox from the huge obsessions I had be using. Thinking was no longer working for me, and I was in serious trouble.

(to be continued)


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