How Important Is It?: My Inspirational Human Experience (Part Two)

I can remember sitting in my office having an anxiety attack, or an uncontrollable crying spell, and my secretary would call to tell me that my next client was there. I would put on my therapist, intellectually-prepared mask, go out to the waiting room and get my client, and return to my office to do the session. There was never an indication that they ever knew.

As my thinking was failing, my experiences of life were increasingly approaching hurricane force intensity. I was terrorfied and out of control. So, in this helpless and hopeless condition, when someone recommended a spiritual support group, I went, without hesitation.

What I remember that struck forcefully my attention was that they were describing the same experiences that I was having, but without the overwhelming distress. I heard them sharing feelings and reactions that I would have never shared with my family, friends or co-workers. They would have seen me as very sick, and maybe deranged. Here, in these meetings, I was normal, compared to them. But they were not suffering as I was. There was hope – a glimmer of light at the end of my very dark tunnel.

They discussed and shared their inspiring experience, strength, and hope. They offered their successes in finding daily inspirations – through each other, in inspirational readings, and by living inspirational principles. They described an inspirational lifestyle of feeling, listening, and inspirational action.

Since then, I have experienced much more, and many awarenesses.

One awareness is that I cannot “think socially”. My addiction to thought is too great, and I will lose my conscious contact with myself, others, and my higher Presence if I begin to think intellectually and casually again. I need inspired thinking.

I heard someone say that they never really thought about anything --- they only obsessed. Thinking becomes a separation from and abandonment of myself. In that delusional state, I lose myself and think myself senseless.

One result of my thinking was a mood alteration and a losing of consciousness. Another aspect of my thinking was that I was trying to understand “things”, because I unconsciously believed that if I could understand it, I could control it.

This past week of listening and hearing about the relationship between “how important is it?” and human “experience” continued with a re-experience of an old “dark place”.

I was having a “good” day, I felt secure with myself and with my life in general. In this state, I entered someone’s office in a general state of childlike excitement and spontaneity. There was to be a meeting in a certain room of this office, but no one was there yet except the manager, and Kathy (my fiancée).

So I came into the room to see and talk to the manager, who I knew personally myself, with Kathy. I immediately experienced a “darkness”, a preponderance of shadows. I realized that this room had the unposted energy level of a personal sanctuary, and I was not “safe” or “wanted” here.

(to be continued)


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