When I Listen, God Speaks -- Facebook and Daily Inspirations

I am new to Facebook, so I am learning how to communicate within its contexts. I find myself listening to others’ words, and experiencing a higher consciousness of my self – especially when I share my own perceptions, and reactions – experience, strength, and hope. I have decided to share with you the gifts others have given me, with the hope there may be gifts in the Presence of these words for you.


Gratitude:

Not especially looking forward to working tomorrow...I
suppose I should be grateful I'll be getting time and a half. God, help me to be
a good employee and not lose my temper at work tomorrow, and help me tonight to
enjoy being at home!

Yes, you should – be grateful!!!! NOT!!!


For me, when I "should" on myself, I am not grateful but suppressing my conscious contact with my own feelings, and pretending that it is gratitude. For me, gratitude begins many times with consciously experiencing my discomfort and fear, connecting consciously with my higher power -- literature, others, meetings, journalling, meditation -- and then taking action -- next right or necessary thing, acting as if -- WHILE consciously feeling my feelings, and my God's Presence. It takes "practice" -- in my experience -- to make this a spiritual way of "living", but it happens.



Consciously feeling my feelings -- consciously connecting with my God -- consciously acting in trust, while feeling my feelings -- and then a higher Presence occurs -- an improved conscious relationship with my God -- and intuitively I experience that I am being loved and cared about – which is gratitude -- without needing reasoning or logic – without resisting my feelings.

Thanks for your honesty.


Aging:

“Depending on their outlook, people's old age will
dramatically differ, especially in terms of the richness and fulfillment they
will experience. Everything is up to our attitude, how we approach life. Do we
look at old age as a descending path to oblivion? Or is it a period in which we
can attain our goals and bring our lives to a rewarding, satisfying completion?”
Wisdom for Modern Life - Daisaku Ikeda

I experience that aging begins with the constriction of neural energy to control outcomes and relationships, which progressively cuts down my brain's capacity to maintain the biological network of my body, and hence it progressively deteriorates -- aging.

To slow down or modify the process, I experience a need to reduce my brain's constriction by improving my conscious contact with my higher power's Presence. The constriction is the result of separation from my higher power caused by my attachment, fixation, and dependency on outcomes as a means of control and perceptual "survival".

Humility:

" A conceited person never gets anywhere
because he thinks he's already there. "
Rev Run

Maybe: A humble person never gets anywhere because he/she IS already there.

Outcomes:

It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do for you -- things
nothing else can…. I waste more time trying to force myself to stay awake and
get something finished than I'd gain by just going to bed, getting at least a
little sleep, and then tackling the project again. But I forget that --
everytime.

I struggle with the" same" thing. I am working on becoming consciously connected to the parts of me that are resisting each other and producing conflicted outcomes. My experience is that there are lost selves attempting to return "Home". Really -- maybe -- a better outcome than reaching an externalized goal.

Mistakes:

“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones,
there is always another chance for you. What we call "failure" is not the
falling down but the staying down.”
Mary Pickford.
I need to remember
this. Until I am willing to do something badly, I will never make progress. Like
working with my new airbrush.

Maybe -- there are no mistakes -- only misunderstood outcomes. With my higher power, there seems to be no waste. Everything seems to be deliberately planned and used to bring me to better and better versions of my self. I see mistakes when I can only see the details and not Their loving, caring destiny for me. The bestest gift of any painful event is the intimate closeness I can experience when I dare to feel consciously my exposed sadness and fear -- in Their Presence.

The "Right One":

Hope this might be true.
On this day, God
wants you to know...
that the way you know you have found the right one is
the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with the person. Having neither to
weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they
are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift
them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the
rest away.
Dinah Craik

I experience the term "the right one" as the addictive obsession that drove my disease of codependency until recovery. "The right one" was always someone outside of me who was going to fill the gaping hole in my soul -- do for me what I could not do for myself.

I was taught that I am "the right one" for me, when I am consciously connected to myself and to my higher power's Presence. I am given a "new pair of glasses" with which to see others in the external world, and it allows me to experience the available closeness, accepting unconditionally any separation, while loving and admiring the godself in every person. I do not have to reject or abandon others for my or their humanness .

If I am not my own "right one", there can be ultimately no real connection and closeness with others. To ask someone to be "the right one" is ultmately to doom them to be "the wrong one.

Forgiveness:

Interesting, since I had a moment today where a lot of
old resentments came bubbling to the surface. And yes, forgiveness can be very
hard.
On this day, God wants you to know...
that although forgiveness is
very hard, it is necessary. Holding onto anger and old hurts hardens your heart
and hurts only you. Ask for help in letting go of the anger. Ask to see the
situation through the eyes of compassion. Allow yourself to feel the lightness
of forgiveness.

Maybe forgiveness is not really hard for us to do. Maybe it is impossible! The normal act of forgiveness I experience for humans is actually suppression and denial of feelings to a point of numbness -- which is then called forgiveness. Really it is a growing sesspool of decomposing selves. And I am powerless to stop it.

Resentment for me is the constriction and resistance of feeling to protect me from experiencing separation -- abandonment and abuse -- that occurred in the past, and that I am anticipating in the future -- instinctively, at a primitive brain level. No amount of logic or reasoning can reach this part of my brain. So I am helplessly flailing about in desperate anger, trying to avoid the pain and dismemberments of my past.

For me, spirituality --conscious intimate connection with my God -- is the only way my primitive and rational brains have begun to reconnect, and I begin to stop inflicting the harm of my past on myself -- over and over and over again.
The Twelve Steps are spiritual guide -- for me -- for going back to my past and having my God “change my outcomes” – inserting Their Presence. Resentment is a symptom of my wounded separation, and when this separation is replaced with conscious Presence, I do not have to forgive -- I no longer have the pain and fear that produces resentment.

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Self-Forgiveness Begins with the Spiritual Enlightenment of God's Presence

Sometimes the past is so painful to think about that your only salvation lies in complete surrender to the mercy of God. Only in Him are you given the strength and courage it takes to keep on walking when every step is hard. But, finally, after what can seem like an endless journey in the darkness of your own regret, you come upon the light again. You have no doubt who has set you free, for only One who is author of forgiveness would give you still another chance.
Marianne Williamson

The past can be painful, whether the outcomes were desired or undesired. In my experience, accomplishments frequently reminded me that I was expecting a certain event or series of events to make me happy, and when they failed, I was left even more hopelessly lost.


Ultimately, I am forced to surrender – to stop buying the illusion of my possible control of what is, and of how I will perceive and feel as a result. I am powerless – I cannot control what is or how I react to what is – the past reoccurs on the screens of my mind as if current and happening. These inner images are programmed to continue repeating themselves indefinitely if not changed.

I am left no choice but to turn to the loving and merciful Presence of God – to change and spiritually heal my experience and perceptions. In His (and Her) Presence I am given the sanity of strength and courage to keep putting one thought, and one feeling – one moment and one breath at a time – in front of the other.


My journey seems endless because it is recycling my past -- over and over again -- with greater and greater darkness – repeating abandonment and separation. The Light – God’s loving Presence – begins to glow – and the walls of my inner prison begin to dissolve. I am being taught and reprogrammed to see me with God’s eyes – and They hold nothing against me – They are teaching me to experience Their truth – and I am able, with their love and caring, to forgive and admire myself – and love me with Their unconditional love – and admiration.


We really are Their children – created out of their infinite love.

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Step Eight -- Changing Memories from the Past -- Daily Inspirations

Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
(Step Eight from the Twelve Steps of AA)

I have done quite a bit of listening and reflection on this step because I have found its spiritual principles critical to deeper, more wounded areas of my lost selves. I believe that it is important to clarify my experience of the word “spiritual”. I experience spirituality as the level of conscious contact –conscious higher Presence -- I have with my God, then with myself, and finally with others.

As I was journaling today, several experiences and spiritual awakenings appeared.

Simplify

First was the need to break the principle down into simpler pieces and then reconnect them into a more conscious and effective whole.
1. “Make a list”. Write it down in an orderly columned fashion.
2. “Of all persons” – as in Step 4, list every person and relationship important enough to be remembered, and be prepared to remember more.
3. “Of all persons we had harmed” – rate each person on a scale from 1-10 as to how much we “feel” we harmed them – essentially rating our level of guilt when we remember or think of them. These levels are only perceptions and not actual facts. This is not rating how much we “wronged” them because Step One – admitted we were powerless – removes any moral judgment from what we are rating.
4. “Become willing” – “and able” – reach a level of conscious contact with our God where we have the ability to choose addressing our perceptions of having harmed others and change what we can. If we do not have a level of conscious contact that matches our levels of perceptual guilt and shame, dealing with harms will be virtually impossible -- only options and not real choices we can exercise.
5. “To make amends” – we reach a level of conscious contact with our God where we can actually decide and act to change our perceptions of our perceived harm – internally and/or externally.
6. “To them all” – to the extent we can amend or change them all, we will become freed from the flesh eating cancer of our disease of shame and guilt. We will become reborn to our truest and deepest selves.

Symptoms of Our Injuries and Disease

Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Another spiritual awakening was how Step 8 relates to Step 4. Step 4 deals primarily with the symptoms of our disease by remembering the harm or injury that was done to us by others. Step 8 reviews the symptoms of our disease by looking at the advanced stages and effects of our injuries and disease – how we harmed others, resulting in even more harm to ourselves. The focus of each of these steps is at a different level of our illness.

We Are Dealing with Perceptions Not Facts
Still another spiritual awakening is that Step 8 – as well as Step 4 – is really only dealing with perceptions. Our “victims” frequently have very different perceptions of what actually occurred. And perceptions are more powerful than actual facts – what actually occurred may ultimately be of minimal to no importance.

As we begin to practice this principle, we need to realize the role of perception in this process. There is my perception of what happened, and their perception of what happened. “They” and I may not remember, or our brains may deny what actually happened (denial), or our brains may exaggerate or distort the details by attaching the “harm” to other “harms” or separations received from others.


Definition of Harm
An important part of this step, which is also clarifying about Step 4, is the actual experience being referenced with the word “harm”. My experience is that “harm” is any situation or circumstance within a relationship where emotional separation occurred – abandonment, rejection and/or abuse. The details of the event have varied relevance, but the bottom-line, common denominator in every instance was abandonment, rejection, or abuse – whether conscious or unconscious –whether real or only perceived – separation – loss of conscious contact with others, with our selves, and with God -- that is “harm”.

I am working with someone on this step, and he was having considerable trouble identified specific harms he had done to others. As I processed his dilemma, I realized that his problem was that he had really done very few overt harms to others. However, he has had three divorces and other troubled relationships where at least abandonment had occurred. Our brains really do not discriminate between action and thought in this area. If we think and feel “evil” in our “hearts”, even if it is not accompanied by harmful actions, we experience that we have harmed or wronged them by separation – and we have harmed ourselves.

The experience of separation creates a deadly poison which eats away our inner heart’s tissues and leaves us wounded, sick, and dying –even without having taken overt action to hurt someone.

Sin?
What we are talking about here is commonly labeled by religion as “sin”. To him who knows to do good, and does not do it, it is “sin”. Sin is believed to be where we somehow harm our God’s standards or conditions for our actions, thoughts, and feelings, and punishment – from God – is imminent.

In my experience, my God has no rules or conditions. Sin is where we violate ourselves by separating from others, then ourselves, and ultimately from our God. Their love and acceptance is unconditional. We are, in fact, the judge, jury, and executor of our selves.
(Aside: Try replacing the word “sin” with the word “shame”: for example, “for all have been shamed and come short of the glory or Presence of God.”)

Forgiveness
What we are moving toward is “forgiveness” -- not by God -- not even by others -- but forgiveness of and by ourselves. We damn ourselves to our own living hells by our involuntary, uncontrollable perceptions that we are bad, not good enough, not deserving to be loved or cared about – self abandonment and abuse – because we perceived we have wronged others – and others are us, too.

Forgiveness involves reaching a level of conscious contact with our God where we experience Their intimate and unconditional love and acceptance, and we begin to perceive our selves with Their eyes, and not our wounded brains. To God, we are perfect and wonderful. To our injured selves, we are worthless, evil wantabes who will never be good enough, and we will continue to involuntarily harm every person we touch – by withdrawing or withholding our own loving presence.

Forgiveness will never come from thought, knowledge, or understanding. It can only be produced by consistent and increasing conscious experience of our God’s loving and caring Presence. And we have been given each other – the consciously wounded and broken – to be the sacred messengers and carriers of God’s precious Presence.

Hell
Imagine “Hell” –a place within our brains where we are judged by impossible and nonexistent standards, and where we are punished unmercifully by our own brains for the perception that we have harmed others and been harmed. The “just” punishment, according to our diseased brain, is eternal damnation to total isolation, and abandonment, and wretched loneliness. This “place” is my experience of my illness of shame and separation.

Hence the saying, “Religion is for people who afraid of hell – and spirituality is for those who have already been there.”

A Format for Writing Step Eight
I would offer to you a format for doing this step that has been effective for me:
1. First, list every person important enough to have been remembered.
2. Rate each person on a scale from 1-10 as to how much separation you “feel” you did with this person, 1 being low, and 10 being very high. Note another way of looking at this is how much guilt or shame we experience when we think of this person.
3. List any specific actions that you did that could have or did harm the other person: for example, lying, cheating, stealing, verbal and/or physical abuse, and neglect.
4. Whether specific harmful actions occurred or not, how did you separate yourself – withdraw your caring presence -- from them: for example, silence, sarcasm, indifference, ignoring of their needs and feelings, judgmentalism and negative vs affirming statements, and a lack of cooperation and/or empathy and sympathy.


Practice Prior Spiritual Principles
With This Spiritual Principle
Finally, it is critical to practice the prior spiritual principles in this spiritual principle, as well as all our affairs.
1. Step One – we are not bad or evil because we were actually powerless and without the ability to choose or control our attitudes and actions. This step is critical because we have a disease of overresponsiblity – obsession with outcomes -- which judges and punishes us for all of our thoughts, feelings, and actions as if we could have and did deliberately choose our perceptions, reactions, and actions. This is the damning lie at root of all our symptoms and disease.
2. Step Two –we have to be restored to the ability to act and perceive sanely by developing a conscious and intimate relationship with our God. Without this, we are hopeless and helpless – and we do not have to be.
3. Step Three – we take the action to surrender our human controllingness and judgmentalism of ourselves and others over the loving care of our God – within an intimately personal relationship.

I believe and have experienced that when we take the action to list and identify perceived harms, combine this with a steady practice of the first three spiritual principles, we begin to achieve self forgiveness -- instead of living in our own private hells. We begin to live within the fellowship of our loving present spirits – and life becoming a better and place to be.

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Daily Inspirations -- They May Not Need Me

They may not need me,
But they might.
I’ll let my head be just in sight.
A smile as small as mine may be
Precisely their necessity.
Emily Dickinson

The world can be a lonely, forgotten place. The pace and volume of modern living does not respond to human needs. Loud voices crash our concentrations with irrelevant – but supposedly crucial – details and facts. Time is of the essence – not people. Success determines human value on the world’s slave market – not compassion or caring. Words are texted not spoken. Attention is outcome seeking, not love seeking. The world is a place where robots live alone in vacant stares, and lifeless gestures.

What is important? Who cares? Can mankind survive its own death of caring and loving and being with others.

We are faced with a worse problem than “greenhouse”. We are becoming more and more alone -- abandoned and forgotten. The refuse of a world high on outcomes, driven by distractions, and on a collision course with massive indifference – loveless lifelessness.

Emily Dickinson’s poem is an invitation – a small suggestion – to change the small spaces of our world that we can reach -- to give the acknowledgement of a simple smile to those who might wake up long enough to be touched, and warmed, and warned of the impending doom – lost selves, lifeless zombies, reaching for nothing that matters or cares.

Let’s smile at someone – every chance we can get. Maybe – just maybe -- someone will remember.

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